We’ve all been w/ the wrong person at least once. When we break up and we look back like what the hell was I thinking. Now, personally if one of my chicks have any of this flag pop up! Imma Jay-Z that trick and be on to the next one. Check em out tell me what you think.
1. Her body issues exceed normal limits.
Who wants to spend time with a girl who constantly asks you if you think she’s fat? Every girl’s got her insecurities, but if she can’t eat a meal without calculating calories, cancels dates with you so she can get in those extra workouts, or walks backward when she’s naked because she’s afraid you’ll see her non-existent cellulite, we don’t care how skinny she is — she sucks.
The Story: “My ex didn’t eat pizza, but not because she didn’t like it. In fact, she loved it. She swore off pizza because of the calories. Then she swore off beer, also because of the calories. I understand not wanting to gain weight but come on, splurge once in a while. If your girl won’t chill on the couch eating pizza and drinking beer every now and then, you may as well swear off the relationship because you’re dating a total Debbie Downer.”
2. She doesn’t have a mind of her own.
If you’re talking to a girl and she thinks everything you say is interesting, she probably isn’t thinking at all or is too inarticulate or insecure to share her opinion with you. This inability to think for herself will likely snowball with time — soon she’ll be adopting your interests and agreeing with everything you say, which is a lot more boring than it sounds.
The Story: “I was dating this girl who was totally high maintenance but claimed to be a great athlete. She said she played softball, basketball and ran track in high school. For her birthday, I planned a special sports-oriented day. For the first half, I packed a picnic basket and brought two mitts and a softball. Once we got to the park, I grabbed a mitt for myself and tossed the other one her way … and she ducked … I called her out on it and she said she had lied because she knew I was really into baseball and wanted us to have something in common.”
3. She’s obsessed with marriage.
When a girl says she isn’t thinking at all about marriage and just wants to enjoy the moment, do not believe her. She is lying to you and herself — all girls think about marriage. The chicks you need to look out for are those who plan their entire wedding and are merely looking for a man to insert into their delusional fantasy.
The Story: “Considering proposal to my then girlfriend, I went window-shopping for rings. Finding not one perfect diamond, I took it as a sign that the relationship was flawed and decided to slow things down a bit. Well, I knew I had made the right decision when just a few weeks later she asked me where her ring was. Not, Are we going to get married and spend the rest of our lives happy together? but Where’s my ring? Then, when I told her I had to use the money to pay off some bills, she became outraged, throwing a fit.”
4. She tells you not to wear the condom on your first night.
Yes, in the heat of the moment, people make mistakes. If you’re both wasted and it accidentally happens, OK, we get it. But if a chick specifically tells you not to worry about wearing a condom, you need to worry about it — how many other guys has she said that to?
The Story: “At a Super Bowl party my buddies and I were playing flip-cup outside at a friend’s beach house and I charmed some girls into hanging out with us for the day. Things between me and this hot redhead were clicking … After a few games and some witty banter we ended up in my buddy’s bedroom fooling around. After an exhaustive search to find condoms at the house and asking everyone there to no avail, I told her, ‘Oh well, I guess no sex, no big deal.’ To this I got the response: ‘If you promise to be careful you can go right ahead.’ If a girl is willing to let a stranger go raw, and all you have to do is remember to pull out, you should run like I did. Or give her a fake name so then she can’t find you for the child support payments.”
5. She thinks her dog is your child.
You’re not living with the girl but somehow you end up being the one walking her yappy dog (and cleaning up after it) when you’re over at her place. Why? Because you’re its daddy.
The Story: “I’d been seeing this girl for a couple weeks when she decided to spend $400 on a hypoallergenic dog about the size of my fist. The first red flag was the fact that she spent that much on a pet, when I’d been helping her pay rent for three months. Then, she started calling her dog her ‘baby,’ and referred to me as the dog’s ‘daddy.’ I hit the road, knowing the longer I stayed, the more ‘children’ I’d have to support and rent I’d have to pay.”
6. She “doesn’t give blowjobs.”
What does this mean exactly? Like she doesn’t give head, ever? We don’t get it.
The Story: “I once dated this chick who stopped blowing me after a few months because she ‘didn’t like the taste.’ No offense, but that labyrinth you call your vagina doesn’t taste like sweet, delicious candy. If you don’t want to drop to your knees anymore, you probably shouldn’t expect me to have any more dinners at the Y.”
7. She has a record of dating jerks.
Girls with sketchy dating histories, particularly those who have subjected themselves to serious degradation in multiple relationships, present some major red flags. No, you’re not going to save her; you’ll just end up being the nice guy she once dated.
The Story: “Shortly into a relationship a girl told me that she had had a number of shitty boyfriends, among them a guy who used to make her do push ups and ab exercises every night to keep a lean figure. I obviously laughed when she told me this but seriously, what girl allows herself to be treated so poorly? The answer: the type of girl that, one week post break-up, calls at 3 AM hysterically crying and looking for consolation because the condom worn by some random dude she just met at a bar broke during intercourse. Needless to say, I was glad she was no longer my problem.”